A Fish's Last Supper

        I have bitten
        and been bitten

        Swallowed
        this cold communion

Your slow dancer


        Sent sliding
        through soft circles

        And settling
        in my sights.

This is the body

        The marionette
        appendage

        New flesh
        surrounding
        your skeletal snare

        The sinew
        struggling and I
        the twitching transplant.

I too will dance

        Strung out
        and stumbling

        'Til the hook
        drags me off

        Belching wine
        with every tortured bow.

This is the blood

        Filling my mouth
        and floating away

        Falling like flowers
        that bloom and decay.

The Body Politic

I am new blood

from an old wound,

scab picked free by nub-nails
bitten anxious.

The flesh swells

but the hole cannot close,
wiped and worried by
loose wires in a nervous System.

A heart pumps

and the crowd surges forward,
spilling over itself
in a mad dash for purpose,

And dumb fingers

dig old graves,
bone straining to reach bone,
all but thwarted by maggot-earth.

The brood swarms

to fill the hole,
shovel and coffin both
seething with agitated life.

I feed the maggots.
I fuel the bone Machine,
pushed by passion made
pressure in confinement.

Within, I shouted escape!

Drying alone now,
spread thin on the battered without.

Sinus Tincture, Batch 2

I began making tinctures of herbal mixtures in the fall of 2010. I had been interested in herbal medicine for quite some time, and had also been looking for more opportunities to experiment with the recreational use of legal chemicals. An upcoming festival, Playa del Fuego, provided the impetus to create something I could share with friends and strangers. All this, combined with a growing interest in ritual magic, contributed to the products I created and the process by which I created them. Twenty months later, I'm ending up with more and more impressive effects from a diverse array of herbal mixtures. My process has become more refined, but it is very much the same as when I made my first batch in September 2010. Today, I am finishing my second batch of a very successful tincture I first created in 2011 as an attempt to deal with my seasonal allergies.

My Sinus Tincture is designed as a daily preventative treatment to be taken before and during the warmest six months of the year, or as a direct response to symptoms like sneezing, coughing, swelling, sinus infection, etc. Ideally, I begin taking my preparations in early March, weeks before the spring equinox, and continue regularly ingesting the herbal brews until early October, a fortnight after the autumnal equinox. This year, I started with the remainder of the last batch, and when I ran out, supplemented with a friend's very effective fire cider (herbs and roots immersed in vinegar and buried for several weeks) while I steeped this batch. I add a healthy dollop of honey produced in a local apiary and a small amount of this potent liquid tincture into fresh brewed ginger tea (diced ginger root boiled until the water takes on color), which I drink every morning with or after breakfast. If my allergies get really bad later in the day, I mix a small quantity of the tincture into a glass of room temperature water and drink it. When I work long days out in somebody's yard, I carry a quantity of this highly dilute solution in case I need it. Applying the brew when symptoms are already present has impressive results. Last year the brew would stop a sneezing fit in its tracks, and clear out my face in under five minutes when taken in this fashion. I also found that the mixture helped improve my circulation and energize my mind and body, which helped me do a better job posing for artists as a figure model for long drawing classes at VCU.

The tincture does help me manage seasonal allergies that would otherwise be debilitating, but it's not a cure-all solution. I also abstain from certain foods and drinks during the warm months, including beer, wine, and ice cream, because they aggravate my allergies. I try and limit my consumption of milk, cheese, and sugar for the same reasons. I wear a dust mask when I do yard work or work directly with plants, and try and shower soon after getting dirty outdoors to keep as much pollen out of my face as possible.  But the process of making the tincture and sigil help me commit to all these seasonal lifestyle changes. The rituals involved keep me aware of my body's needs and allow me to better analyze how I can live healthier. The magical aspect of the process reinforces a deep respect and connection with each substance in the brew. It also reinforces the connection between myself as creator/combiner, the forces/personalities within each substance and with the mixture as a whole, completed entity. Here's how I did it this time:

I chose each substance carefully for what I expected it to contribute. In many ways, this is cumulative process. It began before I created the first batch in May 2011, and will continue into subsequent years. This batch is slightly different from the last one I made. It includes an ingredient I didn't know about last year, and I've refined proportions a little bit. Additionally, the liquid I used to extract and carry the mixture contains a higher percentage of alcohol versus water than last year. This time, I chose:

Ginger- I used the raw root found in most grocery stores, finely chopped directly before steeping. Ginger may be my favorite substance. I love its taste and the way it makes me feel. I find that it increases digestion and circulation, and has mild stimulant properties, especially in concentrated forms (tea, tincture). It also seems to reduce some interior pains, such as sore throat or stomach. I use it to help clear and cleanse my sinuses, throat, blood and digestive system, and as an alternative to other stimulants like sugar and caffeine.

Stinging Nettle- I used dried leaves purchased from Carytown Teas. Stinging nettle has anti-inflammatory and anti-histamine properties, and can apparently be used to treat arthritis. I have found both the tea and tincture made from these leaves helps to open my sinuses and throat, relieving irritation and swelling in my facial tissues.

Mullein- I used dried leaves, bought on recommendation from Carytown Teas. They use it in their allergy tea blends. One can apparently use the flowers to treat ear infections. The leaves are used primarily as an expectorant, helping the body produce mucous and get rid of it through coughing or sneezing. This was my first time using mullein, and I added it to help clear out sinus and throat congestion. The folks at the tea shop cautioned me to use gloves when I handled it, because it can irritate the skin.

Horseradish- I used a powder of the root, purchased from Penzey's Spices. The intense spiciness has been recognized for its ability to quickly clear out clogged or runny noses. The root is quite tasty, and when I can get it fresh, I chop it up and throw it in some vinegar to use on sandwiches. I use its tincture to help clear out sinus congestion quickly.

Cayenne Pepper- I used a powdered version purchased from Nick's International Foods. Known well for its spicy flavor, cayenne is used as a blood cleanser, stimulant, aphrodisiac, and for its supposed ability to improve tissue growth and destroy cancer cells. I find that it is indeed a powerful stimulant in its concentrated forms. I use it mostly to improve circulation, which it does admirably and quickly. Soon after taking a small amount of tinctured cayenne, I can feel my fingers and toes tingle. These circulation benefits combine with the pepper's natural spiciness to help clear out my sinuses.

On April 23^rd, I combined these ingredients in a jar and poured alcohol over them. I tried to use around the same amount of each ingredient in the mixture. This means that while I used one ounce each of Stinging Nettle, Mullein, Horseradish Powder and Cayenne Pepper, I used two ounces of Ginger, since it was not dried in any way. I mixed the powders together and placed them in a canister, followed by a mixture of the leaves and the diced Ginger root. I further mixed the dried contents in the canister. Then I poured in around 465 ml of 75.5% alcohol (Everclear) and around 300 ml of 40% alcohol (Wolfschmidt Vodka, which I find to be reasonably priced and very “clear” in taste), making a total of around 765 ml of around 60% alcohol. I find that when extracting herbals, it helps to have significant amounts of water in the liquid, because some substances may be destroyed completely in an environment that is almost entirely alcohol. That's really just hearsay and assumption on my part though, I don't know the chemistry! I also find that a significant amount of water in the liquid mixture helps keep the end product less concentrated, and therefore more easily doled out in reasonable doses. I wanted to use a slightly higher alcohol percentage for this batch, because it is not for recreational use, and must be diluted before consuming anyway. I placed the canister in my cabinet and waited about a month, stirring every few days.

Opened canister after 1 month in the cabinet

This morning, May 21^st, I took out the canister and began filtering the contents. First I poured it wholesale into a large french press I have. I poured the liquid filtered in this way through a coffee filter and into a beaker. The french press method never gets out enough liquid for me, but it definitely gets out a lot. I was able to get around 400 ml this time, before opening the press. After this, I scooped out around three tablespoons at a time onto a square of cheesecloth, and squeezed each little sack over the coffee filtered beaker with my fingers. I was able to get an additional 150 ml this way, for a total yield of 550 ml. Where did that other 200 ml go? I think most of it is still in the solid matter I threw away. More serious tincture people have a pneumatic press that squeezes a lot more liquid out of that herb matter than I could possibly do with my bare hands. Some of the alcohol may have also evaporated in the 28 days I steeped the mixture. I do not have very many large, air-tight containers, and I used a canister this time, because my larger jars are full of Feelin' Groovy (don't worry, you'll get a full article on that one later!).

French press and beaker with coffee filter

Cheesecloth wrapped around herb matter

After filtering out the solid waste, I chose bottles to house the tincture. For this mixture, I like to have two bottles. A larger one with a wide mouth stoppered by a cork serves as the mother jar. The neck is big enough that I can stick measuring spoons into it for my morning brews, and the cork wont rust like the jar lid I used last year. I'll have to be careful not to let that stopper soak up the tincture too much though, because alcohol will definitely get up in some cork and tear it apart. The smaller bottle is primarily for traveling, and includes a nifty eyedropper cap. I'm serious about taking this stuff every morning, and this way I can pack it with my toothbrush and stuff. I will also give these smaller bottles to friends who want to try out the magic (Hit me up!).

Sinus Tincture in bottles

Finally, I placed a label on the bottle. The ingredients are listed on each bottle, along with the months in which they were prepared. But most importantly, I place a sigil on each bottle. My sigils are attempts to instill purpose and character into each herbal mixture using ritual magic. They are intended to help the substances mix well with each other, and to focus communication between what's inside the bottle and what's outside the bottle. People who wish to use the tincture have a chance to understand the batch and interact with it through these visual representations before they even open the bottle. I believe that in a very deep, subconscious way, I am reminded of the tincture's purpose and character by viewing the sigil, even when I don't necessarily intend to see it. My body is that much more prepared for ingesting the brew because of that deeper understanding. Each batch has a different sigil, but each mixture has similar sigils. Because this is Batch 2 of the Sinus Tincture, I used the last batch's sigil as a reference point.

Sigils and notes from Batch 1

Before I began placing the sigil, I ate a little snack, and put on some music. I chose wisely what I ate and what music I put on, because each of these “atmospheric” things can have powerful effects on the magical process. I even chose the color of the tape used to fasten the label to the bottle carefully for this reason. I lightly snacked on dried vegetables and fruits because I was hungry, and I didn't want to be distracted by that. I put on a Gato Barbieri record, in case you were wondering. It's been Gato all day long for me, actually. I opened the stopper and smelled the tincture. I looked at the last batch's sigil carefully, reminding myself what it was like, why I chose the colors and designs I did. I also considered what was different then and now, both in my life and with the specific substances involved. When I began to draw on the bottle, I did not look back at the previous sigil, but made my marks based on an internally processed perception of how the sigil for the last batch fits into the present reality. I find that I must leave at least as much of the design to inspiration as I leave to careful thought and planning, and I am always somewhat surprised at the final product. This is good, because it means that something deeply buried within myself or something completely beyond myself went directly into it. In this case, I tried to let the character of this batch come out of the bottle. I tried to let each substance explain to me its purpose and influence, and their unique combination to come through in a compositional whole. I am pleased with the result, and confidant that it effectively accomplishes what I, the batch itself, and my environment designed it to. What do you think about it?

Completed Sinus Tincture with sigils

Today's filtration, bottling, and sigil creation processes took around three hours. Tasting the finished product straight, by dipping my (recently washed) finger into it and licking that same finger, I am astonished by its potency, as I was when I first created this mixture. The intense spicy flavor spreads quickly to the entire mouth, causing pain in the tongue. You cannot take this medicine straight. It will damage your mouth and throat. Even with such a small quantity, I can feel the effects in my brain: a slight stimulant reaction and burst of activity, possibly related to the physical effects of the tincture in my mouth. My face seems to tingle a little, maybe in response to a little bit of the tincture getting into the blood stream and working its way around there. I mix a quarter-teaspoon of the Sinus Tincture into half of a pint of filtered water at room temperature. This is the dosage I used with the last batch. The water turns a very pale green/yellow. Taking sips, the spiciness hits the back of my throat first, and spreads to my tongue and lips. After drinking about a cup of water, my sinuses start to open up, loosening the mucous above my nose. I can feel the tincture in my stomach and feet as the spicy circulatory effects manifest. I feel a little like dancing, my toes wiggling to the pumping rhythms and screaming saxophone. I fart. After finishing my glass, I blow my nose. I can now breathe out of both nostrils (only had the left one online before). The swelling in my right sinus has been reduced, and I feel a little tingly even in my fingers and toes. My head has just a little bit of a stimulating buzz about it.

Well, good: it still works!

Route 6: East Main Street/Montrose Heights

A thousand seamstresses with a thousand blunt needles,
held loosely in wrists spinning weirdly,
crowd the smoke filled break point gaining weight.

Blowing steam and screeching,
frames groaning with effort,
they pitch forward, yarn spun,
and grope along oily guide lines.

We are there too, spooning in swollen gut,
and cannot help but feel what they feel,
lulled by bruises gently commuted
into swaying congregation.

Erstwhile staggered twins,
we are cut from the same cloth,
though some have been mangled by our makers'
capricious and unpracticed hands.

Can you too feel their unsteady pull?

Arthritic engines whose heavy fingers crush
fruit flesh and glass with equal comprehension,
crushing even the fabric they work to mend?

Cobble-sphalt and brick-crete,
poor earth strewn with abandon,
all reduced at their mercy to dust-dye and exhaled.

They coat everything its drab color,
even you and I, exhaled also
onto this motley patchwork
haphazardly sewn over a network of scars.

We follow this heavy-handed stitch
along the frayed edges,
errant threads every one,

And splay outward from each iron spindle,
our loops random, brusquely anchoring
strange to stranger.

Stillborn, we pay to climb back in
and only at the last moment
do we pull our shared umbilical.

The World Is Unbearably Beautiful

I am astounded often.  Sometimes, walking the dozens of feet from my apartment to Clay Abner Park, I will be struck with wonder of an intensity so debilitating as to prevent further movement.  I will stand stock still, arrested by the scent of a cigarette, the wind playing around the corner of a building, the starry dust sprinkled between the mossy stones of the sidewalk.  Lifetimes have been lived there by me under the trees, watching cardinals jump between twigs, their gestures outlining a world's beat in the rubber rhythms from the basketball court.  Frankly, it's a wonder I make it to the park at all, a wonder I don't miss my bus more often, lost at the stop amid the swirling vortex of street sounds and movement, stale piss and sticky sidewalks. 

My mother would say that I was off on Mars when I would finally respond after minutes of trying to get my attention, wouldn't let me out of the back yard for years in fear of me walking into the street with faraway eyes.  But actually, I'm nearsighted.  It's what's right next to me that gets me every time, my metric shrinking and shrinking until the dust motes become asteroids, each one scrawled tightly in ancient script I almost understand, flashing messages to each other as they progress in orbit. 

This is what I want to share with you.  This is why I play music, write poetry, why I love and live.  These things I've created or collected are attempts at communicating overwhelming beauty, so be prepared to be confused, ecstatic, frustrated, or unimpressed.  I hope you are left wanting.  I hope you have questions, I hope you seek out more information and different experiences.  Misunderstand: It's good for you!